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  • Writer's pictureGbemi Orundami

Marriage After Baby

I knew pregnancy and becoming a mom would change me. Still, I don't think I considered the effect it would have on my husband and me individually, but also as a couple. I said in a previous post that motherhood made me become a different person, but it also made my husband a different person. The two of us essentially became new people. We were no longer the same newlywed couple who got married a year and a half before having our son when the thought of children was still long-off in the future (or so we thought). I remember about a month ago, my husband and I took a day trip to the beach, and it was our first "road trip" without our son.

That day, I think the both of us realized that we were no longer the same people we were when we were dating. The littlest comment or remark would set each other off, and if we weren't talking about our son, it seemed we didn't have anything to agree on.

Children change everything; our priorities are changed, it was no longer just the two of us, but now there's a permanent third wheel in the picture. When we are around our son, we seemed to get along better; the child we created being in front of us we could not help but be happy spending time as a family. But we are not married to our child, but to each other. I think in the midst of parenting, especially as first-time parents, that realization gets overshadowed by sleepless nights, an intense level of exhaustion, the stresses of work, paying bills, and managing a home. During the early stages of parenting, we both agreed that our marriage is our primary ministry and our first priority. To us, we view being good parents to our kids as being good spouses to each other. However, it was not long before we started to neglect our weekly date nights and let other things take precedence over one on one time with each other.

I think the trip to the beach really highlighted the intentionality that was lacking in our marriage and helped me to understand that my husband is not the same man I married, just as I am not the same woman he married. The 23- year old me did not just say "I do" to my then 24 year old husband, but I said " I do" to my husband in every single stage and through every single challenge life brings us. Throughout all the struggles and different seasons of life, it is crucial for us to consistently and intentionally continue to date each other; to continually commit to getting to know one another as we are both growing and evolving into different phases of our lives. I think it's a great sign of maturity that we are not the same 23 and 24-year old we were when we got married.

I'm looking forward to the many lessons, challenges, growth, and experiences we get to have with each other. I'm looking forward to the new and improved versions of ourselves that we get to witness together.

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